Mission to Memphis

Our mission to Memphis was a success. Prior to this trip I must say I knew relatively little about Memphis Tennessee. I knew it had ribs, a lot of Elvis Presley nuts, and some civil rights history. Now that I have journeyed deep into the heart of the city and learned its secrets I have a better appreciation for it. I now understand that their tourism campaign is a sham, a wrong-headed attempt to attract visitors with the promise of good music and culture. They are at best some of the lesser merits of the city and I doubt few will fall for its siren call. The city’s true nature, which it revealed to me, and about which their tourism campaign should be molded is: Memphis – Beer and Eggs Benedict Capitol of the South.

I trust that you’ll recognize the awesome power of the new Memphis slogan. Even now, upon reading the words for the first time, you’ll feel yourself drawn to the epicenter of finely crafted beers and eggs benedict. No matter what the country of origin and/or style you prefer your beer or what restful bed you prefer for your poached eggs (crab, asparagus, steak, etc)… Memphis has you covered. Come, visit, and be engorged.

Apart from Memphis’ obvious charms (listed above) let me run down some of the other fun things we did while we were in town. Charles Vergo’s Rendezvous ribs, check. Beale Street during the day, check. Beale Street at night, check. Gibson Guitar factory, check. Wine and Quiche Bar, check (there is a good reason Southern Living profiled their cheesecakes). Video games, check.

Add in wine and cheese and a few home cooked meals and I think you’ll understand how Memphis left us stuffed, satiated, and content.

Thank you, but no thank you.

Am I the only one who finds thank you cards unsettling? I found a few while cleaning my desk yesterday and eventually decided that I don’t like receiving thank you cards. They make me feel bad.

The problem stems from not know what is the socially acceptable treatment of a thank you card is. Opening the card, reading it, smiling, and promptly throwing it in the trash seems callous. On the other hand saving the card until the end of time seems silly too. Is there some sort of holding period in which you’re supposed to save the card before discarding it? I have two problems with that. One, if it’s going to be thrown away eventually why not throw it away immediately to be sure it gets done (because I’ll feel like a callous jerk). Two, I have a naturally tendency to be a packrat which I must constantly guard against. If I give myself an inch I’ll most likely take a yard. Dawn has actually helped me break a lot of my more egregious packrat habits…but I still have useless pieces of paper from when I was 7 years old tucked away somewhere (my biographers will thank me later).

While deliberating the fate of the thank you cards in my desk yesterday I was struck with a funny thought. Maybe I want to keep them because I see them as a records. If ever I am put on trial for being a horrible person and my life is audited at least I’ll have the means to mount a feasible defense in order to cast a shadow of a doubt.

Barrister: I submit to you that you are a horrible person and you have been nothing but a blight on humanity.

Bill: Not true - and I have the receipts to prove it.

It’s probably not fair to single out thank you cards. Birthday cards, Christmas cards: is there any sort of card that doesn’t produce anxiety? I think the handmade cards are the worst…they’re like little piece of art. Surely they are not meant be thrown out. But if you make exceptions for them shouldn’t you make exceptions for the rest? Wouldn’t you implicitly be saying that the thanks of people not willing to make their own cards do not merit remembrance? It’s seems like a quagmire that can easily be avoided with the use of email. No one expects their email to be saved and cherished.

A Grievous Sin

How can the people who Dawn works with hate lunch so much? It’s strange and unnatural to despise lunch. Yet, given half a chance they will gladly schedule meetings up to, through, and after lunch to prevent people from attending that most blessed mid-day sacrament.

I’d try to figure out this great mystery but I’m currently blinded and dumbfounded by starvation.

Netflix Revisited

Just yesterday I was singing the praises of the new Netflix on demand streaming content (I think they prefer to call it instant content). The system is designed to stream the video to a computer. Since Dawn and I have a media PC connected to our TV this is no big deal. We watch the streaming content on the same screen we watch regular TV, DVDs, DVR, video games, etc. But what about luddites without media PC’s you ask? Is it really all that convenient for them? Err... Probably not.

First off, let me implore such luddites to go out a buy a media PC. It’s a readymade excuse to go out a buy a new computer and really….what more can you ask for? You’re welcome.

Failing that (i.e. consider yourself a failure) there are still options to experience Netflix on demand goodness on your TV….you just have to be willing to buy another box to connect to your TV. This morning I saw reviews for Roku’s Netflix set top box. Basically it’s a small box that you attach to your TV and the internet that will go out and get the streaming content from Netflix’s site and display it on your TV. The reviews have been pretty positive because it’s dead-easy to setup /operate and is relatively cheap ($99).

For my money I think a media PC is still the way to go. You don’t need a super powerful computer to act as a media PC and you get DVR functionality and a place to store all your digital photos and music in addition to Netflix on demand goodness. Plus if you’re leaving a computer on all the time you might as well start dabbling in home automation….

Monday Revelations

I tried to write a blog about how great on demand programming over the internet is. It came off way to preachy so I deleted it. Let me hit the high points minus all the pontification (I’m talking paragraphs of anti-cable company vitriol). Dawn and I have started using the NetFlix video on demand feature. It comes free if you already have a NetFlix account. No, they don’t have very much of their selection available yet. The quality if pretty great considering what it is and this sort of technology ought to have the cable companies quaking in their boots. People are deciding what they want to watch, when they want to watch it, without needing a cable company in the loop (unless you get your internet via cable companies). At the very least it reduces cable companies to simple ISPs. Oh – and there are no ads involved (yet). Imagine paying a subscription for something and just getting tasty tasty content minus ads. Seems too good to be true (I’m looking at you cable).

Moving onto other random items that deserve our attention. After much head scratching this weekend I consulted a dictionary to see if ravel was actually a word. The subject came up while Dawn and I were discussing something that was un-unravel-able. We were wondering if the two un’s would cancel themselves out…which begged the question is ravel actually a word on its own or not. I could not remember ever hearing someone ravel something up. Turns out it is a word and it means exactly what you’d think it means, which is to say not the same thing as un-unravel-able.

Also corn dogs, or corn dog bites to be exact, make awesome garnishes for glasses of Guinness. Cut a small slice in your corn dog bite and sit it on the rim of the glass. Grok it and teach your kinfolk – it’s what the masses demand but they don’t know it yet.

Occupying my time.

What would you do if you were given a group of people who would work on whatever you wanted them to work on and you didn’t have to worry about how to fund them?

I’m asking myself the same question right now…

Curmudgeon News Update.

It is abundantly obvious that I am completely subservient to the will of the curmudgeon. Whether this be a transformation or merely my true inner self shining through is a subject of debate.

Dawn and I must be terrible neighbors. That would explain why the neighbors on either side of us decided to move. Our new neighbors on one side moved in about a week ago. I’ve met them, but only briefly…while they were moving in. Moving is so stressful that I’m not sure that really counts. I need to go over there now that they are more relaxed and re-introduce myself. My first impression was positive, although they have three small boys. Already the once quiet backyard adjacent to ours is full of brightly colored plastic crap and screaming. While I understand that is completely appropriate I secretly hate it….what is a curmudgeon to do?

In other curmudgeon news I’ve noticed a startling new trend in our neighborhood – basketball hoops. The addition to basketball hoops to houses with children appears to be the new craze. A year ago it was trampolines. It was easy to pick out the houses with children due to the presence of a trampoline. Although the trampolines that were popular last year were not respectable trampolines like when I was a kid. The new-fangled trampolines had all sorts of mesh walls and padding to make sure no matter what the child tried they could do nothing but land on the trampoline’s bouncy surface. In my opinion, this deprives children of early lessons in practical physics and a healthy fear of metal bars.

Ironically the new trend is to place basketball hoops on the edge of the yard so that the shooter must be standing in the street to play. Have the parents mistaken the road in which one ton vehicles travel for their driveways? How can children who have been coddled by overprotect trampolines be expect not to be hit by cars? They probably expect they’ll just bounce right off of them. It seems like an inconsistent message about what it takes to be safe is being communicated to the children.

Well that’s it for this edition of the Curmudgeon News Update. Now get off my blog!