Make-up, I Indict You.

Caveat
These are my very subjective views on the matter. While they may not be authoritative, generally speaking, they are authoritative in my little world.

Sitting at lunch today, people watching, it occurred to me that I don’t really get make-up. It seems that make-up is a gamble and I don’t understand why so many people women are gambling. As is the case with most forms of gambling, it seems like there are way more losers than there are winners.

The Ideal.
I assume make-up is viewed as this magic elixir, that when applied, will make you look more attractive. It rights all wrongs and hides all flaws. I suggest that there is no such magic elixir. The closest you can come on earth is a really talented plastic surgeon. And that’s assuming that you simply can’t live with your “flaws.”

The Reality.
Make-up, when artfully applied, can make a woman more attractive….or I should say it can help amplify attractiveness that is innately there. If you don’t have it, make-up isn’t giving it to you.

However, more often than not, I simply observe make-up that has not been artfully applied and has masked whatever attractiveness that might have been. In short it backfires and women look worse for the effort. And that’s what I can’t figure out. Why do so many women go through all the effort to apply make-up just to look worse off?

The number one offenders are blondes that apply tons of dark eye make-up. Stop it. I’m sure it worked for some blonde somewhere at some time…but it’s not working for 95% of you. Here’s an easy test. If you fall between Jack Sparrow and a raccoon on the “Dark Smokey Eye Scale”…..you lose.

Heavy make-up in bright colors is risky. For some it can pay off as being stunning. For most it is a ghastly visage. The stakes are high here. An unsuccessful attempt can make you look like a clown, or in extreme cases, a prostitute that exclusively services clowns.

Maybe it’s me. Maybe I just don’t get make-up. On What Not To Wear I’m always horrified by Carmindy’s segment. More often than not she manages to make some poor woman look ten years older. “Just plaster yourself with this and your new haircut isn’t going to matter!”