What we have here is a failure of communication

Days have turned into weeks, weeks have turned into months, and still our front columns have not been completed. Not to our satisfaction. Actually, since the last time I’ve written about them, the columns have not even been touched. They are in the exact same state of cattywampus mismatch. Evidence that a carpenter, who is more monkey than man, has worked on our house. Occasionally we’ll call the contractor and ask about them. We are assured that the contractor is also unhappy with the state of things and he is diligently working to set things right. The skeptics in us raise an eyebrow.

Yesterday was a watershed day in column correction history. Dawn had multiple phone conversations with the contractor. I think they help illustrate the how endlessly baffling columns can truly be.

[I was not privy to the actual conversations…so I’ve taken some creative liberties with how they might have transpired. The gists of the misunderstandings are accurate.]

Contractor: I’ve finished pricing out the new columns. I’m ready to replace the one we did before with round columns….

Dawn: Why round columns? We wanted square columns. The fact that they are square-ish in shape is not the problem. It’s the fact that they are both not the same shape that is the problem. It’s the fact that only one of them is actually square.

Contractor: Uh… ok. I’ll have to price out some other stuff then. I’ll give you a call back later.

[time elapses]

Contractor: Alright, I got it figured out this time. I’ll tear out the existing columns and replace them with a square aluminum columns….

Dawn: Why are you going bother doing that? The fact that the current columns are built out of wood is not a problem. It’s the fact that they don’t match!

Contractor: …

Dawn: I have an idea. Why don’t you just re-box the current non-square column so that it is square? Then our two columns will match. You won’t have to replace both columns that way.

Contractor: …. ok?

The process is infuriating. We also had a neighbor asked about our new roof yesterday. They are preparing to sell their house and think they need to replace their roof first. They noticed that we just had our roof replaced. We told them that the roof work was done very well….but don’t hire the guy to do any carpentry. He can’t figure out how to build a box the same way twice.