Where's the household FAQ?

Dawn and I were talking about how great it would be if life were more like a video game. Specifically we were talking about what it would be like if life presented you with achievements and unlockables as you went along. Naturally, life is like a RPG in the greater sense. If you put your time and effort into some goal you’ll eventually achieve it. But we weren’t talking big picture stuff though. We were talking about the obnoxious grind and reward system most video games have in place.

For example, imagine that common household tasks rewarded you akin to a video game. Take food preparation. Let’s say in the course of preparing dinners you’ve just cut your 100th onion, you just unlocked a new knife. Cool! The new knife has reassuring weight and balance and is obviously sharper than your old knife….man, cutting onions is going to be much easier now….which is good. Because you won’t unlock another new knife until you’ve mise en placed your 500th onion.

Heck, if the kitchen gave away cutlery like that there would be a pile of chopped onions in our sink. I would totally munchkin that up.

Or perhaps you would receive upgrades to your vacuum cleaner as you repeatedly vacuum your house. I dunno, new accessories or something. You’d probably have to check the household FAQ to figure out what you’d get. All I know is that I would rig it so the vacuum would run 24 hours a day until I got the ultimate vacuum unlock…..mega-suction capable of vacuuming up not just cat fur but actually the whole cat!

I guess what we were getting at is how much more enjoyable common household chores might be if there was always the possibility that this repetition might be some nice big round number of times this chore has been performed and you might be rewarded with a prize.

For the rest of the weekend Dawn kept rewarding me with items as I “unlocked” various achievements around the house. I completed the dishes and unlocked a cooking magazine that just-so-happened to be sitting on the counter by her. Most of the unlocks were a bit uninspiring, but there’s definitely some video precedence for that as well. However, I did noticed that she unlocked some "consuming a meal" achievement and was rewarded with a fudge-pop. I’m starting to wonder if the system is rigged.