Battlestar Galactica is on tonight. Originally I was very excited that this was the last season of the show. I thought we’d be getting answers and they wouldn’t be afraid of relentlessly advance the plot each episode. However over the last few episodes I feel that the plot has been as slow and ponderous as it ever was. Increasingly I find myself watching the show with disappointment and dread. I think the show has lost the atmosphere of desperation and grit that made the first season the best show on television. Gone is the apparent sense of desperation that informed every decision, the need to survive. Now it’s like watching bad (or at least illogical) decision theater. It’s a space soap opera.
To help score the remaining episodes I’ve made up a quick and shoddily thought out (like one of the show’s scripts!) list. It rewards the show for doing something interesting and penalizes the show for boring me. Also I hate two of the main characters. See if you can guess which two.
+100 pts .. Kill off a main character
+500 pts .. Kill off Starbuck
+500 pts .. Kill off Apollo
+100 pts .. Episode body count over 30
+10 pts .... Hotbot on screen
+5 pts ..... Brother Cavil on screen (Al from Quantum Leap)
+50 pts .... Brother Cavil does something badass
+10 pts .... Gias gets more ladies
-1000 pts Bring Starbuck back from the dead
-200 pts .. Apollo gets a new job or military rank
-10 pts .... Apollo or Starbuck on screen
-15 pts .... Another character screams at Starbuck
-25 pts .... Starbuck screams at another character
-5 pts ..... Starbuck talks
-50 pts .... Cylons and Humans don’t cross paths in episode
-15 pts .... Logic is suspended because something “feels right”
-10 pts .... Humans have questions/suspicions about Cylons and fail to ask friendly Cylon on ship.
+1000000 pts all humans die.
[--- UPDATE ---]
Here are a few additions that have been sent in via comments and email. I think their wisdom is self evident.
-5000 pts Starbuck sex scene (Stacy)
-15 pts .... Gemanons (Stacy)
-100 pts .. Cavil makes out with Hotbot (David)
Dawn would also like to increase: Logic is suspended because something “feels right” from -15 to -200.
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3 comments:
You forgot
-5000 Starbuck sex scene
-15 Gemanons
-50: One of the "Final Four" Fleshjobs has a moment of angst.
-15: Starbuck does a Bob Ross impersonation and paints a happy tree.
-75: Starbuck pulls a Jackson Pollack, and starts throwing paint on the wall.
+100: Starbuck goes all Mondrian on us, and screws up the star charts with rectangles of primary colors.
-50: Helo walks like he's got a coat hanger stuck to his shoulder blades.
+1000: Tigh gets smart and kills himself so he can have his eye back.
+2000: Baltar finally has sex with a Cylon from an appropriate angle to see the spine glow.
Very important:
-100: Flashback
-1000: Flashback within a flashback
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