Changing of the Guards

Enough time has passed that I feel reasonably able to talk about this now. I experienced a serious loss last week, my Office Coffee Maker. The Office Coffee Maker is a vital team member. Unlike its at-home sibling which wakes up late and makes coffees on the weekends, the Office Coffee Maker knows the drudgery of the work week. Every weekday morning the Office Coffee Maker provides the essential elixir which allows productive work to ensue. The Office Coffee Maker knows early mornings. The Office Coffee Makers knows long afternoons. In short, the Office Coffee Maker knows the pulse of my professional productive life.

A week ago this past Monday, the Office Coffee Maker was no more. It was a gruesome site. He didn’t go quietly in the night surrounded by his coffee cups. In the middle of the night, whilst he stood in vigil over the office he was viciously attacked by ants. I like to imagine that he struggled bravely and went out in a blaze of glory….but who am I kidding. When I made it into work I found his defaced, but technically still functioning, carcass sitting in my office encased in a swarm of interlopers. I had to put him down. It was the merciful thing to do, but it was a devastating blow. The Office Coffee Maker started working in this building with me when I first moved back to Huntsville. We were a team. We were both so excited to move into our new office…. I’m just glad he got to see the new office, to see what he made possible.

That afternoon, addled by lack of caffeine, and in grief I went out to replace him…but it was just too soon. I bought the cheapest thing Target had to sell. This cheap whore of a coffee maker was not fit to fill his shoes. Looking back I can clearly see it was a mistake, a cheap rebound coffee maker. There was no auto-shutoff feature. The carafe was only numbered on one side; presumably assuming that all the people filling it with water would be right handed. The basket swung out on a flimsy plastic hinge. This was not a coffee maker of pedigree. On the second day service the coffee maker misaligned its basket with the carafe and flooded water and grinds all over the table. It’s hobbies included cooking an empty carafe for hours on end. It was a bad coffee maker. The office deserved better, we had to let it go.

This week, still tender from my loss and apprehensive from my fling, I welcomed a new coffee maker to the office. This new coffee maker is a coffee maker of pedigree. While he might not replace the previous Office Coffee Maker he seems fit to assume his title. He features a stainless steel carafe, impervious to repeated bashings against the water fountain from which I get my water and a built in Brita water filter to make said water potable. The stainless steel carafe is a thermos which keeps the coffee hot and fresh and avoids cooking it on a hot plate. Since the thermos does not necessitate a hot plate, it turns itself off minutes after it brews. Did I mention his sleek styling? You can tell by looking at him that he’s a coffee maker of distinction. I look forward to our future collaboration and happily bestow the title of Office Coffee Maker on him. May he serve the legacy of his title and station well.