Last night we had our neighbors over for dinner. First off, I’ve frick’n mastered venison chili…but more on that tomorrow. (Come back tomorrow for the exciting grill graph!) I thought the night was very successful due to a number of interesting revelations.
Revelation 1: Our neighbor’s kids are crazy well behaved. That’s right, we allowed kids into our fortress of hatred. I assume their children have ages….but I’m not good with kids and ages. They’re old enough to be able to carrying on complex conversations, be clever, make jokes, etc. They’re also willing to try pretty much anything I put in front of them…. Which just baffles me. I was a very picky eater as a kid, if someone had put a bowl of venison chili in front of me and explained it came from a deer some guy had killed in the woods….well then I would have regarded that bowl as highly suspicious. I’ve put some pretty strange food in front of their kids and the harshest criticism I’ve received is “I wanted to try this, but this flavor isn't my favorite.”
Revelation 2: We must be strange and random neighbors to have. I routinely cook like I expect there to be eight or so people chowing down for dinner even though most of the time it’s just Dawn and I. Pretty often, if we see our neighbors wandering around outside, we’ll invite them over for dinner or carry a portion of food over for them to try at their convenience…stuff like pork wellington, cayenne chocolates, turkey with pumpkin dumplings, or whatever we’re up to. Sometimes they’ll knock on our door to ask if they can borrow an egg or something and they’ll be greeted with us holding a giant platter of barbeque chicken or pulled pork or something like that. I can only imagine they must think we’re preparing feasts 24-7.
Revelation 3: To spite having kids our next to door neighbor is also a curmudgeon. He listed off a number of the kids in our neighborhood and reasons not to like them. It turns out that my initial impression that most of the kids in our neighborhood were either “trouble,” “bad news,” or “not right” was spot on. This verified from an actual parent who’s kicked kids he doesn’t like out of his house. (Which is awesome.)
Revelation 4: There is also one kid in our neighborhood who I had pegged wrong. There is a kid in our neighborhood who always comments on my clothes, which is just plain weird. I’ve always assumed he’s just a smart ass. What would you think if you were taking a walk and some little kids says “those are nice pants, I wonder if they make them in my size?” or constantly says something about the shirt you’re wearing. We asked about the kid who makes fun of my clothes and were told that little Tommy is incapable of sarcasm. Our neighbor’s kid, who plays with him, vouched that he just really likes my clothes…so instead of being a little hooligan he’s now sartorially gifted. I guess someone should buy him a pair of black pin-striped linen trousers (although I have no idea if they make them in his size).
Revelation 5: Our neighbors probably wish we had less video games. Actually, this isn’t a new revelation. It probably doesn’t help them explain why they don’t need the latest in video game technology when their kids come over to our place and see one of everything video game related.
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As an added bonus here is a little vignette from our weekend. I’ve taken some liberty with events as they exactly occurred in order to make the vignette more accurate.
[A couple of weeks ago]
Bill: They are going to release PuzzleQuest for the Xbox Live Arcade!
Dawn: Bah, I don’t see the point of playing that game on a big TV. My PSP copy works just fine.
Bill: (somewhat deflated) Oh…ok then.
[Earlier this weekend Bill downloads PuzzleQuest anyway]
Dawn: Hey there’s PuzzleQuest on the TV!
Bill: Yeah I mentioned it a….
Dawn: I think I’ll try it out!
Bill: …of weeks ago. Well how is it?
Bill: Does it play as well as the PSP?
Bill: Have they made many changes to it?
Bill: Hey! I’m standing over here and my face is on fire!!!!
Dawn: Huh? What? Hold on. I need to kill the skeleton right now.
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4 comments:
I think Alex's kid was the first good one I met. Clever, cute and disturbingly adult-like in her ability to carry on conversations.
I don't suppose you picked up on any tips for we who hope to raise non-feral children?
The obvious connection is if you want well behaved children you need to be a curmudgeon.
So I should start a lot of conversations with "Listen, I don't like you, and you don't like me, but somehow we both ended up in this place..."
Bill,
If I were you neighbor, I would make darned sure you never moved. Or if you did, I think I would uproot my family to follow you cross country. Free food ... video games ... what's not to like?
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